This week, I decided to look at my classmate’s, Milton Cortez, conversation with the artist named Nick Bamford.
Hey Milton! I have read over your conversation and I found some grammatical errors that can be easily fixed.
- “He did state that his favorite show was the one held a week before this one, which was a tree show that was also untitled, because it represented his childhood, “building unsafe structures”.
- Is Building unsafe structures the title of the show or his childhood? Or are you quoting the artist?
‘The sculptures this week looked soft at staring distance but once in contact they were rough. It gave the impression of our plaster project. They were created with plaster as well, but Nick added cement to it. He stood them up with wood and had a frame out of wire, perhaps to keep the sculpture from falling apart and have it hold it together. They all had the same color, a light grey. Each one had a different shape, all the same size, only one was different because it had a bicycle wheel part of its frame. They were all large and would be described as looking similar to cartoon characters from “Courage the Cowardly Dog.”’
- Instead of saying “contact”, you should say, “once you’re close”.
- “and had a frame out of wire…” –à “and made a frame out of wire…”
- Describe the what you are talking about rather than say “each one”, “them”, “they” and so on. Rather than say “them”, say “it”.
“Nick’s overall purpose was to generate different gestures, or like he said, “more of a gestural approach.” He wanted the audience to interpret his work openly, and did not feel the necessity to name them. I had asked if there was any inspiration or overall purpose to his work, and he kept it simple. It was something he had not done before and wanted to work with material he had not worked with before to produce different gestures with each piece. He said each piece took him about a day or two to complete, and neither had a specific meaning to them.”
- Don’t say “like” as a filler.
- Say “neither one had a specific…”
“Overall my favorite piece is the one above. I interpreted his idea behind the overall pieces of work, into my own ideas. Nick had no meaningful representation for this piece work, and I guess that’s where he wanted the audience to make connections. This piece of work caught my attention as soon as I came in, the idea was that it was alone and seemed different to the other pieces of work. It reminded me of my favorite childhood cartoon “Courage the Cowardly Dog” as I mentioned earlier. The distinct figure and gesture, with the distorted shadow behind it led me to connect with a nostalgic feeling. Overall great sculptures and a great artist!”
- Fix: “..piece of work…”
- “Overall, (comma) Nick is a great artist and he has great sculptures.”
- Use Nick’s name more when talking about him.
- Glenn mentioned adding the link to the artist or a classmate at the end of the content. This was people will most likely read your post and you can refer your viewers to the link.
I really liked how you said that the sculpture reminded you of the cartoon “Courage The Cowardly Dog”. I can see why the sculptures remind you of it because, it has that weird odd misshaped look to it. I used to watch Courage too, and even though it was eerie, I liked the show. I have made many of these mistakes myself, and I know that I need to correct my content as well. It is always good to go back and re-read what has been posted so that we may be able to correct them, and we can become better writers. Overall, thank you Milton Coreas for sharing.
Self editing: Week 4
I corrected my week 4’s artist conversation with Jamie Strassenburg.
- I need to change the sentence where I am talking about what the dark colors represent to a clearer sentence.
- “The dark colors, such as, purple, grey and black represent the night ”.
- Anningan always had eyes for his sister, and one night when she was sleeping unguarded, he crept into her dark room and began to violate her.
- Malina, while trying to escape, throws thick black soot at her attacker and grabs the brightest candle she can find.
- As she turns to see who her attacker is, and she is astonished to see that it is Anningan.
I have a lot of grammatical mistakes. They are little mistakes, but, they do make the post confusing and hard to understand. I need to make time to re-read my post and make sure that it makes sense.